Monday, January 24, 2011

Jay Cutler, gout, and a roasted bear

Curator’s note: Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler seeks advice from a recently deceased bear.

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Jay Cutler
Shamed in Chicago

January 23, 2011

Roasted Bear
Bear Heaven

Dear Roasted Bear,

I don't reach out too often, y'know?   I'm not the "reach out" type of guy, y'know?  Most people think I'm an ass, y'know?  Ricky Reilly called me as popular as gout.  He's right, y'know?

Still, have you seen the reaction from fans and my fellow pros about me sitting out against the Packers after basically ripping my knee in half? The thing was shaking like jelly in the second quarter, y'know?  And there was Arizona's Darnell Dockett posting on his Twitter account: "If I'm on chicago team jay cutler has to wait till me and the team shower get dressed and leave before he comes in the locker room! #FACT."

WTF is Darnell Dockett?

I figure you know what I'm going through, y'know?  I mean, you got shot in the head and then that crazy guy who runs that restaurant in Minnesota was going to cook you in a pig-roaster oven and serve you to Packers fans during the game like some type of sacrifice to the football gods - until the state health department got wind of the plan and shut it down.  Jeez, when did football become so important?  Y'know?

Any thoughts?

Jay

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Roasted Bear
Bear Heaven
January 24, 2011

Jay Cutler
Shamed in Chicago

Dear Jay,

The fans didn't get to eat me.  But I had to pose for a ton of pictures.  It's hard to smile when you're on fire.

As for you, stay out of the woods if y'know what's good for you.

Love,
Roasted Bear

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