Wednesday, February 9, 2011

2011 Super Bowl, Francis Scott Key, Christina Aguilera, and Doritos

Curator’s note: Francis Scott Key WTFs? Christina Aguilera after her inaccurate singing of the National Anthem before the 2011 Super Bowl.


****************************************************

Francis Scott Key
Heaven

February 6, 2011

Christina Aguilera
The National Anthem Doghouse

Dear Christina,

What happened?

There I was, sitting on my heavenly Lay-z-Boy, getting ready to watch some less-than-funny Doritos commercials, when you appeared in hooker-red lipstick to sing The Star-Spangled Banner.  You know, the National Anthem. You know, the poem I wrote during the War of 1812 at Fort McHenry.

You started off well enough, but then you, uh, forgot the words.  And then you repeated some words.  And then you sang extended versions of words to get back on pace with the music.  Come on!  The song is only 80 words total.  That's, like, 10 tweets. 

There have been some horrific renditions of my song.  Like Roseanne Barr at that 1990 San Diego Padres game.  Talk about rolling over in the grave!  Or Carl Lewis singing at the Bulls game in 1993.  He actually got booed!

But those folks weren't singers.  Like, multi-platinum, award-winning singers.  You botching the National Anthem was like a spelling bee champion missing "dog." 

God is really giving me flak about the whole thing.  Any explanation would be appreciated.

Best,

Francis Scott Key


 **************************************************


Christina Aguilera
The National Anthem Dog House

February 8, 2011

Francis Scott Key
Heaven

Dear Francis,

I thought I was going to be singing "Genie in a Bottle” during the halftime show.  Imagine my surprise when I was introduced before the game.  I thought I did pretty well under the circumstances.

RIP,

Christina

P.S. Do you know how many iTunes downloads I've had in the last three days.  Awesome!


***********************************************


Francis Scott Key
Heaven

February 9. 2011
Christina Aguilera
The National Anthem Doghouse

Dear Christina,

We don't get iTunes up here.  God prefers mix tapes.  Neil Diamond, Whitney Houston, Kenny Rodgers .... stuff like that.

Best,

Francis Scott Key




***********************************************


No comments:

Post a Comment