Thursday, February 3, 2011

Daniel Snyder, Washington D.C.'s Homeless, and lawsuits

Curator’s Note: Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder and Washington, D.C.'s homeless population discuss the state of the Redskins.

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The Homeless of Washington, D.C.
The streets

February 3, 2011

Daniel Snyder
Owner - Washington Redskins
Redskins Park
Asburn, MD

Dear Mr. Snyder,

There’s big news being made by the Washington Redskins this week.  And it’s not about football.  (No surprise there, as it’s Super Bowl week.)

We hear you've made good on your threat to sue Washington City Paper for its November 19 cover story: “The Cranky Redskins Fan’s Guide to Dan Snyder.”

The article, written by Dave McKenna, chronicles your missteps since taking over the franchise ten years ago.  Included in the litany are dubious head coach hires and fires, nefarious marketing campaigns, and even a report of you leaving canisters of vanilla ice cream in late defensive coordinator Mike Nolan’s office with a note saying, “I don’t like vanilla.”  You were referring to Nolan’s simplistic schemes, right?  Man, that's cold!

Even someone as insecure as you could have chalked most of the jabs up to a good-natured rant.  What we guess you couldn’t handle were allegations that you cut down nationally protected trees at your Montgomery County home for a better view of the Potomac River; or that you forged names as a telemarketer with Snyder Communications.  The scribbled-upon photo used in the article clearly depicts you as the devil, though you claim the image portrays you as an anti-Semite.  Ridiculous.

Our thoughts: Just let it go, man.

In surveys of the worst NFL owners in the history of NFL owners, your name pops up like a Whack-A-Mole.  You’ve relegated one of the greatest franchises not just in the NFL, but all of sports, to the gutter.  In just over ten years of ownership the Redskins have become the laughing stock of league.  The Skins used to be the pride of D.C.  Nothing better than a Sunday afternoon in Southeast, with RFK shaking with "Hail to the Redskins."  Now it's "Hail to the Deadskins" - with fans paying a week’s worth of wages just to park their cars at the new stadium out there in Landover.

Washington City Paper stands by its assertions.  Look, maybe it didn’t need to mention the trees, and maybe McKenna should have stuck to Redskins mismanagement.  But who cares?  The article was the perfect opportunity for you to say, “You know what, when it comes to the Redskins, I’ve been a total nightmare.  But I’m trying to get better.  I’ve handed off more responsibility to people who know what they’re doing.  Things are going to be better.  As for the trees, I’ll plant some new ones.”

Instead, you sued, saying the paper used, "lies, half-truths, innuendo and anti-Semitic imagery to smear, malign, defame and slander."  You're seeking $2 million plus punitive damages.  Instead, maybe you should just increase the price of pretzels from $8 to $8.50.  That would account for $2 million or so in 2011.  This way you'd be sticking it to the fans instead, something you do best.

Most ironic - and this is where we come in - is that you've offered to give any money you win from the lawsuit to the homeless.  How magnanimous!  Our question then is this: How are you going to distribute that money?  Hand-to-Starbucks cups here in Southeast?  We don't think you'll be caught dead down here, not after you moved the team out of our own backyard. 

Let us know.

Sincerely,

The Homeless


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Daniel Snyder
Owner - Washington Redskins
Redskins Park
Asburn, MD

February 4, 2011

The Homeless of Washington, D.C.
The Streets

Hey guys,

Wow, great to hear from you.  It’s been too long.  Hey, what’s up with your stationary?  It’s a little scratchy.  Did you write on a cardboard box or something?

First, let's not bring up moving the team.  If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that complaint I'd be a .... wait, I'm already a millionaire :)  Sure, I moved the team, but in its place I created a Redskins lottery ticket for you guys.  Just $20 a pop.  So, yes, I am magnanimous.

Second, don't be stupid.  I offered Donovan McNabb something like $80 million (it's hard to keep up with my spending) after Shanahan 1 and 2 insulted him.  But I was just covering my ass.  After we release him this year McNabb won't get a dime.  Same goes for you guys. 

I think I'm going to use the $2 million to build more restricted view seats at FedEx Field.  By Restricted View, I mean No View.  Rest assured these tickets will be full price and fail to mention the No View part.  If you want some of those, give me a shout. 

Always your friend,

Dan

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